My son, be wise, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him that reproaches me.
Leaders in the state and church understand the force of this statement. Not every social system considers wise children an important value. The family is an afterthought to many utopian socialists. But not so for Christians! A biblical social order rests upon 1 Timothy 3, “A bishop then must be . . . one who rules his own house well, having his children in submission with all reverence” (vv. 1, 4–5). Before ruling in church or state, a leader must prove his leadership by shepherding his own family well. In the last generation, rebellion and apostasy among children of leaders became the accepted norm. The best candidates for president or vice president of the United States—people who took a public stand for righteousness—had lesbians for daughters and then their grandchildren were born out of wedlock. Sadly, the legacies of Presidents Ronald Reagan and George W. Bush were to have their own children characteristically take public stands against their father’s more “conservative” policies on homosexual marriages and socialist medicine. Nothing undermines a father’s reputation and standing more than his own children.
But having this damage done to a father in the ministry can be even worse. Theoretically, men in the ministry are responsible for teaching others about Scriptural principles found in Ephesians 6:4 and Deuteronomy 6:7. When they fail to emulate these principles themselves, they hardly serve as a good example for those whom they claim to lead. Over the prior two centuries, many missionary and pastor families undermined their own ministries by turning their children over to boarding schools or immature, foolish peer groups for misdirected discipleship. Even so, in spite of every neglectful omission on a parent’s part, any child who abandoned the best of his parent’s faith and teaching will bear the burden of his own dishonor and reproach. That young person’s rebellion undermines a father’s reputation, teaching, and kingdom work. It gives every detractor reason to discredit the man’s ministry. There is hardly any greater shame that a young man could ever bring upon his father, the church, and the kingdom of God. When the homeschooled twelve-year-old son of an elder in an evangelical church in Colorado admitted to shooting his parents to death, unbelieving “bloggers” had a heyday pointing out the hypocrisy and the “vacuity” of the Christian faith.
Hopefully, you can hear the desperation in a father’s voice as he cries out to his son, “My son, be wise, and make my heart glad, that I may answer him that reproaches me.” Everywhere around us, family relationships are broken down and generational vision fails. But what can we say about ourselves? Will the righteousness, peace, and joy of the kingdom of God resonate through the generations in our own family? A father’s reputation relies a good deal on a wise and honoring son. This is the true measure of the contribution of each family to the kingdom of God: will we have wise sons and daughters?
1. How might a son ruin the reputation of his father (whether or not this father serves as a leader in church or state)?
2. Whose fault is it when a son rebels against his father and mother?