She opens her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.
There is no more important area of life to master than the use of the tongue, and it is no less important in the home. This woman has learned the incredibly difficult skill of using her tongue with wisdom, being careful not to talk endlessly over the phone or in person about unimportant things. When she does open her mouth to speak, it is a well-constructed idea intended for the edification of others. She understands that in the multitude of words there is no lack of sin (Prov. 10:19), so her words are not laced with worry, faithlessness, pride, and contentiousness. When she sins in the home, she is quick to use her tongue to humbly confess her transgressions and restore her relationships with her husband and children.
Seeing this woman is governed by the law of kindness, how is it that Rudyard Kipling would take the position that “The female of the species is more deadly than the male”? In this famous poem, he writes of the woman, “Unprovoked and awful charges—even so the she-bear fights, speech that drips, corrodes, and poisons—even so the cobra bites.” Will this be the natural pattern observed in the life of every woman? Obviously, it is not the case of the woman described in this chapter of whom we read, “In her tongue is the law of kindness.” By nature, a woman is geared to defend her children and her home. But in the proper social context, it is the primary responsibility of men to defend the home and speak with the enemies in the gates (Neh. 4:14; Ps. 127:4–5). Only in the exceptional case will Jael drive a tent peg through the temple of an enemy general (Judg. 4:21). The normative principle by which this woman operates in the home is kindness; she does not excel in her feminine gifts when she is driving tent pegs through the temples of enemy generals. This is not what beautifies the woman. It is her habitual, daily kindness that warms the home and the hearts of those that reside there. Her default setting is kindness. When guests leave the home after enjoying this woman’s hospitality, they remark, “I have never met a kinder woman! She was so considerate of our every need.”
But for many women it is most difficult to maintain this demeanor with their own children. The little ones may try her patience with disobedience, slothfulness, bickering, and an ungrateful spirit. Of course, all these things amount to sin in the lives of her children. By faith, she must address that sin over and over again. It is faith that enables her to retain a spirit of kindness even in the discipline. She must lace her corrections with kindness. Never forgetting to administer grace in the correction, she will point out that there is a Savior who saves children from these dreadful sins. As with most mothers, she will face the temptation to strike the rock as Moses did in the wilderness. But anger and impatience will accomplish nothing fruitful.
Affirmation and kindness should make up the general atmosphere in which we relate to our children. If our only interaction with our children involves correction and rebuke, there is little encouragement there. Throughout the day, mothers especially should affirm their children hundreds of times with kind words, grateful pronouncements, prayer blessings, and sweet commendations. If the environment is affirming, then the stage is well set for moments of correction that will follow here and there throughout the day.
Parents must inculcate this character trait into their daughters from a very early age. By nature, our daughters will want to use their tongues to hurt others. Whereas boys try to dominate by physical force, girls will often resort to emotional manipulation and domination by the wrong use of the tongue. Ungodly social systems arrange human relationships according to the wrong principles, and we see this everywhere today. Thus, the competitive, egalitarian view of men and women drives these sinful patterns in the home. This is no way to arrange a Christian household; therefore, we must train our daughters every day to speak graciously and to be careful not to hurt others by the words they say. If we hope to have beautiful daughters who will manage their homes by the law of kindness in years to come, we must invest hundreds and thousands of hours training them in this vital area.
1. What does it mean to speak with wisdom?
2. How does a mother speak kindly to her children?
3. How might the women in our household improve the use of the tongue? Can you detect any worry, faithlessness, contentiousness, and emotional manipulation in the words that you use?